The results of the jokes of jokes! Warface is waiting for the winners!
Hi all! A little with delays, but we still announce the results. The winners turned out to be a lot of winners, and we all thank you all for the laughter and laughter from your jokes and present a well -deserved prize – the key to the ZBT game Warface! If you want to know if you won? Look for yourself in the list of winners!
And here they are:
Mixatronik
“This is impossible,” said pride.
“This is dangerous,” said experience.
“This is pointless,” said the reason.
“Try it,” the dream whispered.
“This is what it is so. “Shouted the anus two minutes later.
Adele Mubarashin
He called the king of the German, the Frenchman and Russian and says:
-Even I’m bored. In short, here you have a bag of crackers and a shepherd, pursue you for a month in a room without doors without doors, who will teach the dog to big teams, that is ozol.
Well, they agreed. Come out a month later, the German is the first, the skinny is all like that, and the dog is greasy.
-What he taught?
-Here, sit, lie down.
The dog performs, German is a cracker.
There is a Frenchman, also skinny, a fat dog.
-What he taught?
-Sit, lie, voice, dead to pretend there ..
Psina performs, gets a cracker.
There is Russian.All such fat, it’s a pity to look at the dog, skinny horror.
-What he taught?
-Voice.
The dog is plaintively like this:
-Van.Well, give me a cracker, well, please!
Neizer
The lecture went on. One student was growing up.
Lecturer:
– Why did you get?
– I learned the competition in Ralali ..
After a while, another student is.
Professor sprays:
– You also with Rall?
The student is overdue:
– No, I smoked ..
Andrey Gavrikov
The taxi driver says: they call me to the next order, I come to this address, and there are 3 girls 18-20 years old, getting into my car. They say we’ll go through the store, we want to stagnate … On the way to the store, I understand that I really want to rush very much. As soon as they came to the store, girls go out and go into the Magaz, I immediately break away from the place and I wrap up a couple of circles around the store and shift it wildly into it, I am Beravable from the painful! The sounds were very wild and not imaginary, for about 10 minutes … I climb back to the store, got out of the car, I smoke, I think I wave the door to ventilate the taxi, I smoke, I smoke and then 2 girls are coming out of the store and approach the car and approach the car. We sit in a car, and then I ask “that the third is not going??”What I heard from the back seat the voice” And I did not go out anywhere. “: D
KNOOKER
Wife:
– A man should be a little more beautiful than a monkey!
Husband:
– A man should be a little more beautiful than the monkey with whom he lives!
Anima18
– Yesterday I went out with my bride ..
– What happened?!
– You see, I decided to be honest with her to the end … I said that I had thirty -eight girls before her. She was silent … Then he said that he took drugs for eight years. She was silent … And when he began to talk about booze and gangbang, she bulged her eyes ..
– And left?
– No … I just thought – life is so interesting … On*era, this is a fucking fool to me?!
Mrgooblin
A man runs after the bus and shouts: – Stop.
Everyone laughs and shout in response: – Wait a man, we are now okay from laughter.
Man in response: – You go to fear from fear. I am a driver.
CJLAB9H
A joke about female logic:
A woman rides in a minibus.
She sees another woman in front and wants to ask to pass on the fare.
Thinks: “How will it turn to her? By name or just ask?
I reason logically.
This is an express minibus, which means it is going to my area.
A woman with a bottle of wine, so she goes to a man.
The wine is expensive, it follows that the man is beautiful.
We have 2 beautiful men in the area, my husband and my lover.
I’m going to my lover myself, it means to my husband.
Her husband has 2 lover Vika and Katya.
Vika in Egypt.”
– Katya pass by travel.
– How do you know me?
ROB996
– If in the heart of the vampire to drive an aspen stake, then he will die.
– and like, if you drive an aspen stake into an ordinary person, then he will not even notice?!
Egope
Comes to the bar dude with a monkey. While he ordered a drink,
The monkey began to jump on the bar and eat everything. I ate someone
Zakesus, finished her whiskey, ate olives from someone’s glass and
sandwich and much, much more. Then she jumped to the billiard and
with a strain swallowed a billiard ball.
– You saw what she did! Cried the bartender.
– And what, actually? – asked the owner of the monkey.
– She grabbed and ate everything plus my billiard ball!
– It doesn’t surprise me. Yes, this cattle eats everything that he sees.
Such a glutton! But don’t worry, I will pay for everything.
The owner of the monkey paid and left. A month has passed and this dude with
The monkey appeared again. And again, while he ordered a drink,
The monkey began to jump on the bar and eat everything. I ate someone
Zakesus, finished her whiskey, ate olives from someone’s glass and
Much, much more. However, now she first has sucked
in her ass, then took out and sent to her mouth.
The bartender is just awesome when he saw it.
– You saw, at first she stuffs everything in her ass, and
Then he puts in his mouth ..
– It doesn’t surprise me. She, as before, eats everything in a row.
But after she swallowed a billiard ball, she
Previously measures everything!
Sergio90
Putin, Medvedev and Zhirinovsky fly on an airplane. Then Medvedev says
– Now I’ll throw it in the porthole 1000 rubles. And I will please one Russian.
Zhirinovsky says
– And I will throw off 2 bills of 500 rubles. And I will please two Russians.
Putin says,
– And I will throw off 10 bills 100 rubles. And I will please 10 Russians!
Suddenly the pilot says:
– I will now throw three pussy and please the whole of Russia.
Dalamardl
A man came home. Singing to the whole house:
– “Mother -in -law! Mother -in -law! Let’s go here!”
The mother -in -law leaves the kitchen with a frying pan:
– “Carked out completely?”
– “Mother -in -law, drive me up for beer to the store, I will give them 1000, you will leave the change”
The mother -in -law thought, they say, well, 900 would not be superfluous. I drove to the store.
A man drank a beer and yells again:
– “Mother -in -law, your mother -in -law is a mother, even soda”
– ” What?”
– “Drive into the Magaz for the bubble. I’ll give you 3000, you will leave back yourself.
Well, again, the mother -in -law went to the Magaz. A man grinned a bubble and says:
– “Mother -in -law, let’s just give you 5,000 and smile a slipper on your forehead until no one sees?!”
– “Well, what, 5000, especially no one sees”
An hour later the phone rang:
– “Dear, you gave your mother a pension?”
– “Yes, I give it slowly.
Evildevil
111: PPC, I’m sitting laughing at home, I can’t calm down))
222: what is there?
111: In short, I smoke about the metro today, after the university.It comes up to me and asks matches. And just in the morning I grabbed the boxes from the house. Well, I don’t say a word, I pull it out of my pocket, I stretch.
222 :))
111: He looks like that, grit, is more convenient with a lighter
111: I again silently climb into the same pocket and take out a cricket
111: He lights up, gives the lighter, looks at me for ten seconds and says like a joke which pocket is amazing, you will not ask, everything is, I suppose and there are sweets
222: Taooo, I’m starting to guess)
111 :)))) You won’t believe it, I have been carrying a few Bon Bon for a week now.
111: I silently take a lollipop from the same pocket, he dugs him dumbfounded, his eyes are full of horror
222: PPC, poor fellow))
111: After that, I tell him “you spent all three of your desires”, throw a cigarette, turn around and leave
Crutob0k
I got to hell by an American, Hindu and Russian. Met their devil and says:
– To everyone who gets here, I give a chance to go to paradise.
And he takes out a hefty whip:
– Who will withstand three blows without screaming – I let go! You can defend yourself than
The American was the first to come out.
– What do you want to defend yourself?
The American took a healthy granite stone:
The devil swung for the first time and … the stone to smithereens. The second time – and
The American yelled like mad ..
“Next,” the devil says.
– What will you defend yourself?
– Nothing! – answers Hindu, – I have been engaged in yoga for 80 years, and in meditation
The body does not feel pain!
The first blow. Hindu: – Oshshh ..
The second blow. Hindu: – Oshshh ..
The third blow. Hindu: – Oshshh ..
– Nobody has yet withstand three strokes. – says the devil. – Well
Well, you are free, you can calmly go to heaven.
“No,” says Hindu, “I want to stay and see. In all jokes
Russians win. I want to see how he can do this time.
– Okay, stay. Well, what do you think to defend yourself? – The devil turns to
– What to defend yourself – an Hindu, of course ..
Doctorwho78
Sits in a Russian cafe and afternoon. He has a sandwich with jam and mugley on his table. The American approaches him and, chewing chewing gum,
He asks him:
– And here you are, Russian bread?
Russian replies:
– Certainly! And what?
The American, puffing out the bubble from the chewing gum, says:
– But we don’t! We, Americans, eat only crumbs, and collect crusts in containers, process them, make muesli from them and sell them to Russia!
Russian is silent. The American, again inflating the bubble from chewing gum, asks: – And you, Russians, eat sandwiches with jam?
Russian replies:
– Of course, we eat!
– But we don’t! We only eat fresh fruits in America. We collect seeds, peel and all kinds of bruises there in containers, process, make jam from them and sell to Russia! And pleased again pouts the bubble.
This, finally, was pretty insulted and he, in turn, asks:
– And what do you do with condoms after use?
American:
– Thrown, of course.
Russian:
-But we do not! We, Russians, collect them in containers, process them, make chewing gum from them and sell them to America.
Slimmy
The Japanese scientists came up with the clock, which after hearing the mat, translate the clock for 1 minute ahead.
Hanged in a Japanese bar, come after 24 hours – the clock rushes for 3 minutes.
Hanged in an English bar, come after 24 hours – the clock rushes for 5 minutes.
Hung in a Russian bar, come in 24 hours – no hours.
Ask Barten: -Where is the clock? -And fucking fan to us in winter.
Grisha303
War between Russia and Germany. Temporary truce. On the border on the one hand stands Russian, on the other German.
Russian yells:
– German.
– What?
– I went to x ..
The German was silent, and the Russian again:
– German.
– Well?
– I went to x ..
The German was silent again like a truce ..
– German.
– What do you need?
– I went to x ..
He could not stand the German went to the superiors to complain, they say so, forever Russian send us, well, the authorities say to him:
– Why are the Russians completely overwhelmed, and you answer him the same.
The German comes to the border and yells:
– Russian.
Silence…
– Russian.
Silence…
– Russian.
– German, or something?
– I
Karimov Timur
– All men goats!
– Yes, dear. Absolutely everything.
– And you too?
– I am the largest goat in the world!
– Then why did I marry you and have been living with you for so many years?
– And now we smoothly moved to the topic that all women are fools
Deowar
Organized Interpol for the sake of joining a contest of crackers in Las Vegas. Thieves gathered from around the world. Before them the task is a super -belut of a reliable safe in which they put 1.000.000 green. Who will open everyone faster, that is the money.
The French are the first to come out. They pick up with an electrode 2 hours, it does not work.
The second Italians. Picking the old fashioned way, but masterly. An hour was transported, the door lends itself, but does not open.
Further Poles. They ask for 30 minutes and a jack of a hammer. Almost opened, but jerks.
Two Odessans get up – Senya and Benya.
– We will open the piece of iron in 5 minutes.
– And special conditions?
– Well … turn off the shole light for 5 minutes
Made. Five minutes later, when they turned on the light, the picture was in front of them: the safe was cut under a nut, there is no money, the first row of spectators is undressed, jewelry from the women were removed, the wallets of men are stolen from the men. In the doorway, Odessa is trying to drag a chandelier with them, and one says one another,
– Senya, you are an idiot! Throw this Figovin, otherwise the cars will be grabbed.
Seregadv
One Arab Oil Sheikh Urgently Painted Blood Transfiguration.
Sheikha has a very rare blood group and only at one Jew. He warmed up, transfused, Za that Arab gave a Jew a house and a mashin.
A year later, the story is urgently needed by blood. A Jew with an earnings runs to a blood pouring point, a za that the Arabian sheikh gives a Jew to a box of cookies.
Jew in surprise:
– But the past RAZ you gave me a house and a meal!
ARAB:
– And in that I have not yet flowed Jewish blood.
Gaara97
The English family is resting in Germany. During one of the walks, they suddenly notice a very pretty house, which seems to them an ideal place for the next vacation. As it turns out, the owner of the house is one priest with whom they immediately conclude a lease agreement.
When the family returned to England, the woman suddenly remembered that she did not see a nearby place either in the house or next to him. Then she writes a letter to the priest: “Dear lord. writes you a family who rented a house. Unfortunately, we forgot to find out where WS is located, could you explain this to us? Sincerely. “.
After reading the letter, the priest did not understand what the abbreviation “WS” means, and, in the end, deciding that the German-English Church “WALLS SNARES” was meant, I wrote this answer to them:
“Dear gentlemen, I thank you again for your choice and have the honor to inform you that the place that interests you is 12 km from the house, which is not entirely convenient for those who often visit it. In this case, you can take lunch with you there.
You can go there by car or bicycle or walk on foot, but in any case it is advisable to arrive there early to have time to take sitting places and not interfere with other visitors. In this place, a very pleasant conditioned air, children sit down next to their parents, and everyone is singing in chorus, and a paper sheet for this will be issued next to the entrance.
The late sheet of his neighbor can use the sheet, and in the end all the sheets should be returned, so that they can then be distributed to poor people. The place is equipped with sound amplifiers so that you can hear what is being done inside.
There are also special glasses that allow people to see people in different positions. I hope I gave you a fairly detailed description. Let me, in turn, express your best wishes to you. “
Party216
Gamer watches a horror movie on TV.
At the most intense moment, when the main character slowly walks along a long corridor, listening to strange rustle, the gamer does not stand up and screams:
– Fool, persist, keep.
D1st
– Vasya! Our cat poked in slippers.
– What?! Oh you are a vile cattle! I will kill, on the hell.
– Yes, not in yours! In my mother!
– Ah, give him sour cream!
Artemcd
Rzhevsky, Pierre Bezukhov, Andrei Bolkonskiy and NR are traveling in the compartment of the train.
Natasha tormented with a stomach and at what the moment is loudly
fart. Men glance after which Pierre blushes and says:
– Gentlemen! I acted unnecessary, execute me,
I ruined the air.
… after a while situy is repeated,
Andrei takes guilt.
… after some time, looking
On the suffering NR, Rzhevsky gets up and says:
– Gentlemen! If she is crap here,
put everything on me, but I’ll go, I will smoke.
Interjkeee
We decided to conduct a search between the Chinese, Americans and Russian students: who and how much English will learn.
Suitable for a Chinese student, ask:
– How much time do you need to learn English?
– Dictionary can be used?
– Yes.
– come in 2 years and the tongue will be learned.
Approach an American student, ask:
– How much time do you need to learn English?
– You can use the Internet?
– Yes.
– Come in a year and the tongue will be learned.
They approach the Russian student to the student, ask:
– How much time do you need to learn English?
– There is a training manual?
– Yes.
– Right now, I will go to take.
Maxim Seravkin
The son comes up to his father and says:
Dad, give me the keys to the car, I want to brag to my friends that I drive by car for 10.000 $
The father removes the newspaper, takes out $ 10 gives his son with the words – “Buy a bus ticket and boast that you drive a car for 50.000 $ “
HeadSlaSher69
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand the binary number system and those who do not understand it.
Iskander Falyakhov
The man has hemorrhoids, and very difficult, cannot sit at all – it hurts. I decided to go to the doctor.
-Doctor, because of hemorrhoids, I can’t sit, lie down, I can’t really go to the toilet, I tried all the medicines, all folk remedies. Nothing helps.
– You know, I have very good candles from hemorrhoids. Let me put you alone now, and you will put the rest yourself at home. 1 day – 2 candles.
Dr. candle put him, and the man went home. Toward evening, the man wanted to put a candle himself, but he did not succeed, so he asked his wife to help him.
His wife puts his left hand on his shoulder, the right inserts a candle. The man shouted: “Ahh!”, His wife asks him:” It hurts?”, And the man replies:” No, just when the doctor put a candle to me, he put both hands on my back!”
ignat19
The gentleman wakes up in the middle of the night from the noise, looks – and thieves climbed into the garage. He grabs the phone and calls the police:
– Hello! This is the Villa “Calisto”. I have thieves in my garage!
– We are sorry, but there is not a single patrol car in close! – answered him.
The gentleman sits in thought on the sofa and waits for five minutes. He calls the police again:
– Hello! This is from the Villa “Calisto”. I called you five minutes ago to the thieves in the garage. You can’t come – I shot them!
After a couple of minutes, several patrol cars arrive. When all the thieves were tied, the policeman approaches the gentleman:
– And you said that you shot them!
– But you also said that there are no patrol cars nearby.
Romalora
There is a drunken man in the evening along the street, staggering from side to side ..
Figak, sat down on the urn and sits ..
The cop comes up to him and says:
– What are you sitting here? This is a place for garbage!
A man gets up and says:
– Sorry, please sit down!
Yuri Snezhko
Kolobok received an arrow in the knee: 3
Maf1a
Dad leaves for Leningrad and says:
Who will compose a rhyme about a hotel and Leningrad, that hotel and I will bring.
Masha: Dad goes to Leningrad.
Dad will buy chocolate.
Dad: I will bring you, Mashenka chocolate.
Sasha: Dad goes to Leningrad.
Dad will buy a scooter.
Dad: Scooter is already yours.
Vovochka: Dad goes to Leningrad.
Dad will buy me a moped.
Dad: Well, Vovochka is not in rhyme. So that in five minutes he came up with the right thing.
Vovochka (after 5 min): Dad goes to Leningrad.
Mamin Hahol will be glad.
Mamin Hahol is our neighbor.
Dad will buy me a moped.
Jugert
Rides a biker on the coast of Los Andzhas. God is here and says to him: -You led a righteous life, you sinned little and helped people a lot … Ask me with everything you want ..
The biker thought and said: it would be fine if you created a bridge, with four stripes of movement, and without traffic jams from Los Andles to the Habai Islands … to which he got in response: your desire is almost impossible, come on something else ..
-Ok, then put on a man with the ability to know what a woman wants so that he can take care of her!
-So you talked about the bridge there?!
Grizl11
Zaporozhets crashes into the ass of Merce.
Brothers come out.
-Well man, you hit.
-I guys have nothing, only Zaporozhets and $ 200, I live in a hostel.
-What for us your constipation, but let’s come on.
-I only warn, I am a wizard, as I say, it will be so.
-Come on, we are wizards ourselves.
-Nate and fall asleep.
They shit a day, two, without ceasing, through the associates they found a man.
-Man, 100 thousand, make us not to shine.
-Okay, do not bite.
Do not shit the day, two, a week, stomachs like a drum, find a man.
-There are still 100 thousand on you, do as it was before the accident.
-Okay, let it be like before an accident.
-It will definitely be?
-Do not pierce guys …
Artapuli
A man goes to a meeting, is late, nervous, cannot find a place
Parrow. Raises his face to the sky and says:
– Lord, help me find a parking place. I will then quit drinking and
I will go to church every Sunday!
Suddenly a free place appears miraculously. A man again
Turns to the sky:
– Ah, that’s not necessary. Found!
uropek403
– What kind of noise is there on the street, Barrimore?
-This is a gay parade, sir.
– And what do they demand, Barrimor?
– same -sex love, sir.
-Does anyone forbid them?
“No, sir.”.
-So why do they no longer make noise?
– Fagots, sir.
Vladislav Glukhotratenko
Bear and hare follow the forest,
Watching, sitting on the path
Frog and says:
– I’m not a simple frog, but
Magic, I can fulfill
Your three desires. The bear thought and said:
– I want all the bears in
Our forest became women ..
– Your desire is fulfilled. Well
You, hare, what do you want? Hare
I thought for a while, and says:
– And I want a motorcycle. Before
A helmet appears.
– Your second desire,
bear.
– I want all the bears in the neighboring forest
women.
– Your desire is fulfilled.
Now you, hare, make a guess.
– Well, I want a motorcycle. Before
a steep motorcycle appears. The bear is surprised
Knows on the hare:
– Why are you spending desires on
All nonsense? Come on, no
Every day a frog
You meet a sorceress, an idiot.
– Your last desire,
bear.
– I want all the bears in
The whole world became women.
– Already steel. Get out, hare. The hare sits on the motorcycle,
puts on a helmet, and says:
– And I want this
The bear became a fag.
And left
Niopi
– Mom, and give me Irisk!?
Outraged mother:
– The priest will stick together.
– Mom … I’ll put her in my mouth ..
Maxpaynchik
You have wrinkles? Brown hair? Dry skin? Crooked legs? Call us! We will come. Let’s see. Egg.
Grisha303
Chukch came to his friend Eskimos. Sees on the floor lies the skin of a white bear with a ragged mouth. The Eskimos asks:
– How many times did you shoot at him?
– Ten
– And how many times I got?
– Not a single one
– And from what he died?
– From laughter ..
Vlad Basanovich
Birth with.Zvereva predicted yet.WITH.Pushkin.
– “The queen gave birth to a daughter or a daughter at night. “
Along with the best were the worst. You also get the key
Faridzero96
-Sits
-Priv
-How to do
-Hey you enraged me
-OK
Aventad0r
There is a bear in the forest, sees – the car is on fire. Sat in it and burned.
Adamey
– Who are you according to the horoscope?
– Twin
– And I am a beer, hahhahahahahahahahah!!111Adyn
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